From The Ex Files

Firstly, I must apologize for not dishing with you this past year. No, I have not just woken up from a coma,gotten back from an extended vacation from somewhere with no internet connection, or decided that I'm actually embarrassed about the sharing of things that are fairly taboo to discuss.
I simply suck (for lack of a less suggestive term) for not putting up a finished post. Now that we have established that I blow, am very sorry and I hope that this won't develop into a habit, I will continue with merry interpretation of life in my bed, and other places.

This one is from the Ex Files:
J_ and I had gone on one date. That's right,one. This should have scared me at the time, being about four+ years ago,B.C.(that's Before C_ )and way out of character for my usual habits.(though it had happened with one other person with me..minus the date)
We had started making out in a park near where I lived,and when things got hot and heavy, I agreed to move things to my bedroom.
I should have seen it coming when he argued about the condom."It" gets shy about them." He said."The only way you get me is with one!" I said. He was right. "It" ran away. I persevered, but really I should have just kicked him out after what he did next.
We were about to start and then he began yelling as he pushed me to the bed... "Its go time!" and then he went at it. Vigorously. I was taken by surprise. It was as if someone had just shouted "Geronimo!" right by my ear, and then taken a miniature jackhammer to my poor ladyparts. I was thinking to myself.."What? Did he just say what I think he said? I don't even think he meant to be funny! Who says that? I'm not a Mighty Morphen Power Ranger! I'm not a high risk sport! Should I make him stop?" Meanwhile, I was trying to physically adjust to the sheer force of the jackrabbit impression he was enacting. I was relieved when it was all abruptly over though, unfortunately, not before my body had been put through a sort of spin cycle for the brave. He then fell asleep for a good eight hours, refusing to wake so I could kick him out. I can now no longer hear the phrase "It's go time!" without flashbacks.
Thus earning J_ the dubious honor of the WorstSexOfMyLife award.

Runners up include, but not limited to...Really, really REALLY drunk sex with an Ex who pretended that his attempt at "surprise anal" was an accident, then claim that sex at all had been a mistake. (I agree with the last part)
a few months worth of unrequited blow-jobs given to a "virgin" in the hopes that he would start to reciprocate.(Not doubting he had never had intercourse, just doubting that those who have experienced carnal pleasure should claim chaste on a technicality.)